Breaking Views: Oxygen Tax!

Going by the pace with which the current Government is hiking the prices of essential commodities, very soon nothing will be free. Going in line with the non-subsidized cooking gas price hike, imagine the UPA Government come up with the Paid Model for Oxygen (A gas in the air we breathe). The novel idea will surely increase the revenue and fill the National Treasury.

The Oxygen tax: Oxygen is an essential commodity and it is also a luxury considering the speed with which the population of trees is getting depleted and the population of human beings increasing. Hence the expert panel of the UPA want to discipline the human beings. Henceforth, all breathing by human beings becomes taxable under the new law.

But on humanitarian grounds, the Government has decided to subsidize breathing under the “Rajiv Gandhi Amlajanak Yojna“. This subsidy allows each person to breathe freely, 9 breaths in a minute. Any more respiratory excursions will be charged under the new rule. Thus, a daily total of 12,960 breathes per person are subsidized. Any more will have to be paid for. Breath-meters will be fixed to each and every citizen and it will be checked every month by the ‘Breath Inspectors’. The Oxygen tax will be collected on monthly basis. The Oxygen subsidy will be refunded to the bank account connected to “Aadhaar Card”. Politicians and Babus are to be exempted from this under special provisions.

Asthma patients, heart patients and the seriously ill also are likely to be exempted from this tax. Athletes, Cricket players and Bollywood item song dancers have requested for concessions. Sunny Leone expressed shock on hearing the news. Digvijaya Singh and Mulayam Singh Yadav have jumped into the bandwagon and demanded special concessions for minorities. Karnataka CM Sidharamaiah has declared that the minorities will be given special consideration under “Shwaasa Bhagya” scheme. Nitish Kumar has demanded special status for Bihar and more Oxygen supplies.

Arvind Kejriwal has promised the people of Delhi that the poor and the down-trodden people of the capital will be allowed 16 breathes per minutes under the Oxygen subsidy scheme. Narendra Modi has branded this move as dangerous and anti-national. He also promised he will incorporate Solar power operated Oxygen manufacturing unit in the Statue of Unity Complex coming up in Gujarat. Mallika Sherawat released a 3 minute video on Youtube condemning the move. She claims the Congress has brought this law only because of her support to NaMo. She believes this law is a serious blow to the human rights of ‘Item Bombs’.

Baba Ramdev has condemned the move but has advised the people not to worry. He declared on a private channel, “Breathing can be controlled by Yoga and I can help people to reduce the effort and make them breathe only 6 times a minute by practicing his Amlajanakanandaasan”. Anna Hazare has threatened to go on an indefinite fast if the “Oxygen tax” is implemented without bringing it under the Jan-Lokpal and make it applicable to all Politicians, Ministers and Babus.

When contacted on this issue, Rahul Gandhi declared, “Breathing depends on the state of mind of people. Need for breathing more can be controlled by breaking the escape velocity of Mars, because of the news of availability of Oxygen on Mars”. Rahul also promised that he will share Oxygen from the homes of Dalit families during his next visit to Rai Bareily.

Arnab Goswami said on News Hour, “The nation wants to know what will happen to those who will be forced to breathe more when they are being grilled by me ? Will they have to pay for the additional Oxygen consumed ?” Finally the Prime Minister has broken his silence over the matter. He said, “All these years, opposition and the people have blamed me for being weak and voice-less. Now as a parting gift, I want them to understand I am not weak. I can take tough decisions. I also want them to pay for the only thing I was allowed to do in the past 9 years and realize, life is not easy, when breathing is the only luxury you were allowed !”